Xocolataphobia. The fear of chocolate.
I’m not going to write much about this one. I don’t have it, I’ve never met anyone who has it, and I’m not sure how it would manifest itself: breaking into a sweat when you pass a Laura Secord? Waking up at night in terror because you dreamt about the Easter Bunny? What?
It’s not like chocolate can hide in your closet and jump out when you’re least suspecting. It’s not like you could be jogging through the woods and stumble mouth-first onto a Jersey Milk. It’s not like you have to pass through a chocolate fondue to get to work. I don’t really get it.
I have no advice for xocolataphobics, except to say that, if you have this phobia chances are good that you are riddled with terror and this might not be the one to focus your energies on. Chocolate is avoidable. Pick your battles.
For us xocolataphiliacs,, this is a good day to indulge in the gift that gives back deliciously. (If someone offers you chocolate today – hint, hint, Geoff – you should open the box immediately and offer them one. This is xocolataphiliac etiquette.)
BTW, way back in January, I said I’d write about the fear of water on Fearless February Day 14, but I forgot about Valentines Day and the urgent need to go shopping for a card and chocolates. No time to write about water, except to say that water is life and if you’re scared of it, you should get some gentle exposure therapy because that’s a fear worth conquering. (Mind you, I’m scared of being on the ocean out of sight of land and I have no intention of getting exposure therapy for that. So whatever, go eat chocolate – that’ll help, too.)
No one in 28 Tricks for a Fearless Grade 6 has a fear of chocolate, although there is comedic potential in this phobia. If you have it, leave a comment on this blog and you could win a copy of my new middle-grade comedy, coming out in March with Lorimer.
There are lots of snappy posts up today about weird Valentine fears, which you can read while eating chocolate. Enjoy.